what's new
latest news
Podcast:E3 2008 wrapup with special guest Yahtzee
Feature:E3 2008 - Day 3 Wrap-up
News:Mainstream Media Hits - Matt on ABCs PM program
Feature:E3 2008 - Day 2 Wrap-up
Review:Enemy Territory: Quake Wars
News:Too beautiful to ignore..
Review:Monster Jam
News:Big trouble in little China
Feature:E3 2008 - Day 1 Wrap-up
News:E3 2008 ... it begins
News:Final Fantasy XIII announced for the Xbox 360
Update:A History Of Refusal
Interview:Firemint talk about their iPod game The Sims DJ
News:BtVS Sacrificing itself for that pesky hellmouth
News:Rock Band 2 Trailer and sneak peak at Rock Band 2 Drums
Feature:E3 2008 - Day 3 Wrap-up
News:Mainstream Media Hits - Matt on ABCs PM program
Feature:E3 2008 - Day 2 Wrap-up
Review:Enemy Territory: Quake Wars
News:Too beautiful to ignore..
Review:Monster Jam
News:Big trouble in little China
Feature:E3 2008 - Day 1 Wrap-up
News:E3 2008 ... it begins
News:Final Fantasy XIII announced for the Xbox 360
Update:A History Of Refusal
Interview:Firemint talk about their iPod game The Sims DJ
News:BtVS Sacrificing itself for that pesky hellmouth
News:Rock Band 2 Trailer and sneak peak at Rock Band 2 Drums
latest podcast
random quote
“I had a cat that was more literate than Oracle.”
'Anna joins us to talk TGS and Halo 3' Podcastby Matt
most recent on forum
Ebgames by EdgeCrusher at 4:55am
Duke Nukem Trilogy by EdgeCrusher at 4:52am
Global Warming by SniperXtreme at 4:52am
boom blox? by EdgeCrusher at 4:50am
Favourite Weapons by EdgeCrusher at 4:49am
DUN DUN DUN Dun dun by SniperXtreme at 4:48am
Second Is RE5 Really that Great. by EdgeCrusher at 4:44am
Hey, IT"S FRED!!!! by ArmTheBomb at 4:10am
Call Of Duty World At War by MickeyMOUSE at 2:33am
WoW player trades sex for gold by Schlen at 2:20am
PODCAST [ E3 2008 wrapup with special guest Yahtzee ] by Schlen at 2:14am
Harry Potter & the half blood prince trailer by Lord Halo Nerd at 1:35am
Unofficial Melbourne catchup with Yug by Vesuvious at 1:17am
Sword of the Stranger by Vesuvious at 1:02am
Site Errors by Vesuvious at 12:55am
Duke Nukem Trilogy by EdgeCrusher at 4:52am
Global Warming by SniperXtreme at 4:52am
boom blox? by EdgeCrusher at 4:50am
Favourite Weapons by EdgeCrusher at 4:49am
DUN DUN DUN Dun dun by SniperXtreme at 4:48am
Second Is RE5 Really that Great. by EdgeCrusher at 4:44am
Hey, IT"S FRED!!!! by ArmTheBomb at 4:10am
Call Of Duty World At War by MickeyMOUSE at 2:33am
WoW player trades sex for gold by Schlen at 2:20am
PODCAST [ E3 2008 wrapup with special guest Yahtzee ] by Schlen at 2:14am
Harry Potter & the half blood prince trailer by Lord Halo Nerd at 1:35am
Unofficial Melbourne catchup with Yug by Vesuvious at 1:17am
Sword of the Stranger by Vesuvious at 1:02am
Site Errors by Vesuvious at 12:55am
upcoming releases
PC
24 Jul
Aion: The Tower of EternityNDS
24 Jul
Cory in the HouseNDS
24 Jul
Suite Life of Zack and Cody: Circle of SpiesWII
31 Jul
Garfield Gets RealNDS
31 Jul
Garfield Gets Realrss feeds
Australian Gamer Content - All
Australian Gamer Podcasts - All
Australian Gamer Updates, Reviews, Previews, Features
feature :: game1 sydney 2007
GAME1 Sydney 2007
Carl covers the gaming expo part of the annual GAME1 expo in Sydney.
The Gaming Expo (Carl) | The Gaming Tournaments (Starks)
Though the first day of GAME1 was considerably underwhelming, your intrepid Sydney correspondent still had hope for a successful and entertaining Day Two. Please allow me to save time for those who are merely skimming this article, by providing the proverbial “gist”: Day 1, rinse and repeat, plus Z-list boobs.
Early morning Day Two and a young Newcastle boy walks through the entrance of GAME1. Easily bypassing the fools that weren’t me (of which there were many), I smugly sauntered onto the showroom floor early, chatting to some of the Drop Bears while we took a few photos of some tripped out cars. With this event popping my proverbial expo cherry, a number of important observations have been duly noted.
CARL’S LIST OF GAME1 OBSERVATIONS (DULY NOTED)
Hidden somewhere among the cars was GAME1
1. GAME1? WHAT GAME1?
Those who have already scoped out the Melbourne GAME1 report will know what’s coming. For those who haven’t, allow me to paint the picture for you. The venue stands tall, a gleaming goliath of metal and brawn. In front of it, a huge steel frame juts into the sky. The words inscribed upon the highest point?
AUTOSALON: THE AUTOMOTIVE LIFESTYLE SHOW
Fair enough, GAME1 is shared by this “automotive lifestyle show” (A bizarre phrasing that makes me assume that an “automotive lifestyle” is suited to those who love their cars more than is legal). Far from me to judge, I’m an open kind of guy. However, what is more important (and certainly a metaphor for the entire event, both days) is that below this massive sign, a smaller sign hung, humbly proclaiming:
GAME1
This difference is size should have tipped me off to the event being somewhat more focused upon vehicles than games. But, this being my first expo, my mind was full of hope and possibility, something that was quickly drowned in the shrieks of cars performing burnouts, sound systems blaring bass, and the general murmur of men staring intently as girls in tight clothing flounced around on, in and over various vehicles, working awfully hard for their money (not that I debase my sense of self down to the level of a horny mindless drone..................................what?). Where were the sounds of my favourite games, coupled with the excited shrieks of pale faced gamers as they toyed with unreleased titles, more joyful than a fat man in a sugar mill? Answer: A tiny line of booths that made my four hour train trip to Sydney seem a slight waste. I won’t lie, dear readers, but I died a little inside. GAME1 probably took up one sixth of the entire event, and I may just be a small town boy, born and raised in South Detroit, but that just isn’t big enough, y’hear?
Starks, Carl, and two promo girls
2. EXPO ORGANISERS KNOW WHAT MEN WANT
Far be it to assume that the predominate amount of AG readers are male, but it’s highly likely that anyone reading this article understand the basic desires of men. Cars. Games. And women. A lot of women. If you were a girl at this event, you are either holding your boyfriend’s hand or wearing tiny, tiny pants and straddling a tank. Having spent a large amount of the previous day getting and taking photos of myself, Starks and Jae, with a never ending conga line of promotions girls in skimpy clothing, my mind was more focused on my job. Nothing could deter me from getting the best coverage of events, correct? Wrong!
Briefly lured away from my journalistic duties, I participated in a warm up round of Halo 3 with the actual competitive teams (including the Drop Bears), as they waited for one competitor to show up. I sincerely doubt that my team, The Newbies (appropriately named, no?) had confidence in my abilities to play. The conversation basically went like this:
Starks: Hey Carl, would you like to play a warm up round of Halo 3 with The Newbies?
Carl: Sure.........................What’s Halo 3?
(Newbies look at each other in fear)
This provided a nice distraction from what I was previously doing......................looting every booth for any freebies (bags upon bags of posters, I tell you!) and marvelling at how little there was for a videogame journalist such as myself to look at. Two inflatable Master Chiefs, four booths.............................that’s it. I would honestly have only spent two or three hours there if I wasn’t waiting for fresh booth babes to clock in their shift around the expo. Quick photo, ladies?
Who wants some freeeeeeeee stuff!
3. SKIMPILY DRESSED GIRL LOVE TO DANCE, MC’S LIKE TO SHOUT AND OVERZEALOUS RAPPERS LOVE TO GIVE
Boy, do they ever. Throughout the day, pale faced teens and muscle car enthusiasts were sporadically treated to the rhythmic stylings of some hardcore rappers, while some DJ generic “spun sum trax wif da fat beets” (as the oh-so eloquent MC decided to phrase it) and tarted up dancers “shook it like a Polaroid picture”.
Meanwhile, torrents of promotions girls throw prizes into a sea of mad fools desperate enough to risk being trampled to snare themselves a copy of Call of Duty 3, or Saints Row. Hardly worth a Doc Martin to the face, right? Clearly not. My dear self being an individual of self respect, I refused to join the throng of cheapskates and beg for prizes. Because of this, I assume it was divine intervention that threw a Juiced Two windshield cover into my folded arms. There’s a lesson to be learned in that tale, but I can’t find it.
The only major difference between Day One and Day Two? The appearance of a hot piece of Z – list celebrity in the form of Crystal, the 2006 Big Brother contestant now turned Need for Speed promotions model. Aside from saying hello and begging me for my phone number, she provided little entertainment, or longevity to the event. Fine piece of ass, though.
The combined GAME1/Auto Salon experience provided a fair amount of entertainment, combining cars, games and girls with a heavy amount of testosterone in the air. However, examining GAME1 from a videogame point of view, the event was about as focused on gaming as a truck full of dead weasels in a tampon factory is focused on the merits of Steven Hawking’s theories on metaphysics and the cylindrical nature of time. If that metaphor was simply too much for you, allow me to say this:
The expo simply had too little focus on games, showcasing many titles already available. Quality tail aside, the best part? Hanging with Jae and Starks, two extremely funny (and extremely patient) men.
Nothing new, far too small and not worth a four hour train ride.
Early morning Day Two and a young Newcastle boy walks through the entrance of GAME1. Easily bypassing the fools that weren’t me (of which there were many), I smugly sauntered onto the showroom floor early, chatting to some of the Drop Bears while we took a few photos of some tripped out cars. With this event popping my proverbial expo cherry, a number of important observations have been duly noted.
CARL’S LIST OF GAME1 OBSERVATIONS (DULY NOTED)
Hidden somewhere among the cars was GAME1
1. GAME1? WHAT GAME1?
Those who have already scoped out the Melbourne GAME1 report will know what’s coming. For those who haven’t, allow me to paint the picture for you. The venue stands tall, a gleaming goliath of metal and brawn. In front of it, a huge steel frame juts into the sky. The words inscribed upon the highest point?
AUTOSALON: THE AUTOMOTIVE LIFESTYLE SHOW
Fair enough, GAME1 is shared by this “automotive lifestyle show” (A bizarre phrasing that makes me assume that an “automotive lifestyle” is suited to those who love their cars more than is legal). Far from me to judge, I’m an open kind of guy. However, what is more important (and certainly a metaphor for the entire event, both days) is that below this massive sign, a smaller sign hung, humbly proclaiming:
GAME1
This difference is size should have tipped me off to the event being somewhat more focused upon vehicles than games. But, this being my first expo, my mind was full of hope and possibility, something that was quickly drowned in the shrieks of cars performing burnouts, sound systems blaring bass, and the general murmur of men staring intently as girls in tight clothing flounced around on, in and over various vehicles, working awfully hard for their money (not that I debase my sense of self down to the level of a horny mindless drone..................................what?). Where were the sounds of my favourite games, coupled with the excited shrieks of pale faced gamers as they toyed with unreleased titles, more joyful than a fat man in a sugar mill? Answer: A tiny line of booths that made my four hour train trip to Sydney seem a slight waste. I won’t lie, dear readers, but I died a little inside. GAME1 probably took up one sixth of the entire event, and I may just be a small town boy, born and raised in South Detroit, but that just isn’t big enough, y’hear?
Starks, Carl, and two promo girls
2. EXPO ORGANISERS KNOW WHAT MEN WANT
Far be it to assume that the predominate amount of AG readers are male, but it’s highly likely that anyone reading this article understand the basic desires of men. Cars. Games. And women. A lot of women. If you were a girl at this event, you are either holding your boyfriend’s hand or wearing tiny, tiny pants and straddling a tank. Having spent a large amount of the previous day getting and taking photos of myself, Starks and Jae, with a never ending conga line of promotions girls in skimpy clothing, my mind was more focused on my job. Nothing could deter me from getting the best coverage of events, correct? Wrong!
Briefly lured away from my journalistic duties, I participated in a warm up round of Halo 3 with the actual competitive teams (including the Drop Bears), as they waited for one competitor to show up. I sincerely doubt that my team, The Newbies (appropriately named, no?) had confidence in my abilities to play. The conversation basically went like this:
Starks: Hey Carl, would you like to play a warm up round of Halo 3 with The Newbies?
Carl: Sure.........................What’s Halo 3?
(Newbies look at each other in fear)
This provided a nice distraction from what I was previously doing......................looting every booth for any freebies (bags upon bags of posters, I tell you!) and marvelling at how little there was for a videogame journalist such as myself to look at. Two inflatable Master Chiefs, four booths.............................that’s it. I would honestly have only spent two or three hours there if I wasn’t waiting for fresh booth babes to clock in their shift around the expo. Quick photo, ladies?
Who wants some freeeeeeeee stuff!
3. SKIMPILY DRESSED GIRL LOVE TO DANCE, MC’S LIKE TO SHOUT AND OVERZEALOUS RAPPERS LOVE TO GIVE
Boy, do they ever. Throughout the day, pale faced teens and muscle car enthusiasts were sporadically treated to the rhythmic stylings of some hardcore rappers, while some DJ generic “spun sum trax wif da fat beets” (as the oh-so eloquent MC decided to phrase it) and tarted up dancers “shook it like a Polaroid picture”.
Meanwhile, torrents of promotions girls throw prizes into a sea of mad fools desperate enough to risk being trampled to snare themselves a copy of Call of Duty 3, or Saints Row. Hardly worth a Doc Martin to the face, right? Clearly not. My dear self being an individual of self respect, I refused to join the throng of cheapskates and beg for prizes. Because of this, I assume it was divine intervention that threw a Juiced Two windshield cover into my folded arms. There’s a lesson to be learned in that tale, but I can’t find it.
The only major difference between Day One and Day Two? The appearance of a hot piece of Z – list celebrity in the form of Crystal, the 2006 Big Brother contestant now turned Need for Speed promotions model. Aside from saying hello and begging me for my phone number, she provided little entertainment, or longevity to the event. Fine piece of ass, though.
The combined GAME1/Auto Salon experience provided a fair amount of entertainment, combining cars, games and girls with a heavy amount of testosterone in the air. However, examining GAME1 from a videogame point of view, the event was about as focused on gaming as a truck full of dead weasels in a tampon factory is focused on the merits of Steven Hawking’s theories on metaphysics and the cylindrical nature of time. If that metaphor was simply too much for you, allow me to say this:
The expo simply had too little focus on games, showcasing many titles already available. Quality tail aside, the best part? Hanging with Jae and Starks, two extremely funny (and extremely patient) men.
Nothing new, far too small and not worth a four hour train ride.
