“The music is great, although all my assumptions of Luigi and his, how shall I say it: ‘chosen life path’ are solidified, as he’s got some real ‘Ricky Martinesque’ tunes supporting him.”

Has your subscription to LingerieWorld.com expired? Would you like to read all about the latest games whilst also enjoying tasteful pictures of underwear? Is your attention span roughly sixty seconds? Have you irresponsible parents who don't actively monitor your internet connection and browsing habits? If so, you owe it to yourself to press "View Full" to enjoy my latest short lived regular update, "The News ... In Briefs"

That's right Gamesters, we're doing six Press Releases in sixty seconds, followed by a picture of someone wearing their jocks over their pyjamas. Start the clock ... NOW!

(1) EA has announced Tiger Woods 2009, with the catch phrase "Tiger's Coach Will Be Your Coach". Watch out for the hot coffee mod where "Tiger's Wife Elin Nordegren, Will Be Your Wife".

(2) Pandemic have confirmed development of a new Lord Of The Rings game. For some middle aged men, this is actually more arousing than Elin Nordegren.

(3) Codemasters have released the Race Driver:GRID demo. It's better than this weeks other big Demo 'Haze', but worse than pretty much every racing game ever released since Enduro for the Atari 2600. Actually, I take that back, at least the blob in Enduro handled slightly like a car.

(4) Atari have announced Tamagotchi Connexion: Corner Shop 3 for the Nintendo DS platform, thus wresting the prize of most obscure game release ever from Tamagotchi Connexion: Corner Shop 2. An Atari spokesman stated "We have no frucking idea what this game is about, but at this stage, we are desperate enough to release anything".

(5) Dice showed off it's first Mirrors Edge video to gamers worldwide, most of whom already realised that the controls will be like playing golf with a potato. Factor Five will be holding a party on release day, along with a ceremony to hand over "The Worst Controls Ever In A Video Game Trophy" to the programmers at DICE.

(6) 2K have announced that developers 'PAM' will be having a go at pulling on the empty teats of the cow that is Top Spin tennis, by releasing Top Spin 3. Gamers can look forward to pressing the joystick in a direction whilst stabbing a button when a meter reaches the top of it's bar to serve the ball, and then pressing one of three buttons along with a direction to hit the ball and perform rallies against the CPU or a friend stupid enough to also buy the same game that was released five years ago.

And finally, in the spirit of keeping up with IGN, a racy picture of underwear.