If Jesus Were Here, I Would Fight Him Too

News from Brett - Thursday, 25 June 2009 @ 8:23pm

Have you ever considered just how incredibly useful buttons can be? You can do your shirt up with buttons, maybe even your jeans if you're one of those trendy Levi wearing types. You can describe things that are attractive to look at by saying that they are as 'cute as a button' and best of all you can control your favourite video game character by using the buttons on your controller.

Ahhh poohrolls, no you can't.

In an amazing turn of events that I will now call "The Lair Effect", EA have decided not to let gamers use the incredibly useful buttons on their controllers to throw punches with in their new Fight Night Boxing game, instead forcing players to twiddle the right thumbstick to control both of your boxers arms. You may ask why would they do this and the answer is that flicking a thumbstick in unnatural directions is much more realistic than pressing a button and you should be happy that you have a next gen console and a warm bed to sleep in at night, so stop complaining you pimply little nerd.

Despite hundreds of complaints in very important online forums, the game has now shipped with only the default stick controls. It's not all doom and gloom though. Some gamers, like my dog The Dirty Sanchez, actually prefer the twin stick controls as they have very tiny fingers that resemble paws. This is a great day for Dog Gamers worldwide, and an important step towards them getting the sort of attention that is normally only offered to Girl Gamers. Let's all thank EA for having the courage to support the minority, even if it means screwing over the majority of their fans.