WHERE DREAMS COME TRUE ...
latest news
News:Lucky number 5
News:Enough with the guitar games!
News:Yellow, Emerald, Crystal now Platinum
Podcast:Yahtzee joins to talk GH4, SSBB, and out of control kids
News:GTAIV to give aussies an R rating?
News:Hookers, Halo and Fraud - The life and times of Ralph in Texas
News:Super Smash Brothers Brawl - Finally
News:Lego Indy Demo
News:Too Human Coming Soon - Finally
News:A guide to importing Rock Band
News:Blue Dingos rendition of Finish the Fight
10 Questions:10 Game Industry Questions - Rob Davis
News:He Was A Fattish But Active Man, Of Paralyzing Stupidity
News:IGN turning into RALPH?
News:If Nintendo had made Halo 3
News:Enough with the guitar games!
News:Yellow, Emerald, Crystal now Platinum
Podcast:Yahtzee joins to talk GH4, SSBB, and out of control kids
News:GTAIV to give aussies an R rating?
News:Hookers, Halo and Fraud - The life and times of Ralph in Texas
News:Super Smash Brothers Brawl - Finally
News:Lego Indy Demo
News:Too Human Coming Soon - Finally
News:A guide to importing Rock Band
News:Blue Dingos rendition of Finish the Fight
10 Questions:10 Game Industry Questions - Rob Davis
News:He Was A Fattish But Active Man, Of Paralyzing Stupidity
News:IGN turning into RALPH?
News:If Nintendo had made Halo 3
latest podcast
random quote
“Ah, Michael Bolton jokes, confusing grammar and bad spelling, everything you could want in a review and perhaps more.”
'Okami' Reviewby Brett
most recent on forum
NEWS [ Lucky number 5 ] by Fleeek at 1:24am
Late Podcast by Roy_the_gamer at 1:23am
I'm so Proud by Fleeek at 1:19am
Fire Emblem by SniperXtreme at 1:19am
I hate myself. by Fleeek at 1:18am
English Literacy in Aus by Fleeek at 1:14am
PS3 or 360 by Fleeek at 1:09am
PODCAST [ Yahtzee joins to talk GH4, SSBB, and out of control kids ] by Fleeek at 12:58am
Help Aussie kids learn! by Fleeek at 12:51am
Podcasts by Fleeek at 12:45am
April 19th - Movies and drinks by Fleeek at 12:31am
New Rock Band DLC album coming soon by J1n at 12:28am
Your latest purchase by netjunkie at 11:45pm
FS: WoW Burning Crusade CE - Never Opened by netjunkie at 11:43pm
AJ'S Pinball has Arrived! by El Taco at 11:37pm
Late Podcast by Roy_the_gamer at 1:23am
I'm so Proud by Fleeek at 1:19am
Fire Emblem by SniperXtreme at 1:19am
I hate myself. by Fleeek at 1:18am
English Literacy in Aus by Fleeek at 1:14am
PS3 or 360 by Fleeek at 1:09am
PODCAST [ Yahtzee joins to talk GH4, SSBB, and out of control kids ] by Fleeek at 12:58am
Help Aussie kids learn! by Fleeek at 12:51am
Podcasts by Fleeek at 12:45am
April 19th - Movies and drinks by Fleeek at 12:31am
New Rock Band DLC album coming soon by J1n at 12:28am
Your latest purchase by netjunkie at 11:45pm
FS: WoW Burning Crusade CE - Never Opened by netjunkie at 11:43pm
AJ'S Pinball has Arrived! by El Taco at 11:37pm
upcoming releases
NDS
22 May
Apollo Justice Ace AttorneyPS3
22 May
BUZZ Quiz TVWII
22 May
Dream Pinball 3DNDS
22 May
Dream Pinball 3DPC
22 May
Dream Pinball 3DPS2
23 May
Silent Hill OriginsX360
23 May
Top Spin 3PS3
23 May
Top Spin 3WII
23 May
Top Spin 3NDS
23 May
Top Spin 3PC
23 May
Top Trumps: Dr WhoPS2
23 May
Top Trumps: Dr Whorss feeds
Australian Gamer Content - All
Australian Gamer Podcasts - All
Australian Gamer Updates, Reviews, Previews, Features
what's new
review :: god hand
God Hand
Reviewed on: Playstation 2Available on: Playstation 2
Godhand is a 3D beat em up that tells the story of a man who has lost his arm to a group of thugs, only to have it replaced by a giant all powerful GodHand, capable of opening a whole 24 Can Value Pack of whoop arse on his enemies. Of course, other bad guys want him dead so as to have the Godhand for themselves, and thus the circle of violence is complete as he punches and kicks his way through the wild west.
My balls are sore.
I've climbed over the fence that separates loving and hating Capcoms Godhand so many times that they are swollen from all the rubbing and friction. Part of me hopes that a gorgeous anime chick comes along and replaces my swollen nads with more powerful GodBalls that I might smite my enemies with, but deep down inside I know that I should of taken better care of my manlihood.
Godhand is a 3D beat em up that tells the story of a man who has lost his arm to a group of thugs, only to have it replaced by a giant all powerful GodHand, capable of opening a whole 24 Can Value Pack of whoop arse on his enemies. Of course, other bad guys want him dead so as to have the Godhand for themselves, and thus the circle of violence is complete as he punches and kicks his way through the wild west.
The player controls Gene (The recipient of the Godhand) and has the simple objective of progressing through the various levels using violence, violence and more violence. Levels are short but enemies are plentiful and the only break in the action comes at the end of levels where you can purchase items at the shop or engage in simple casino games at the end of level casino. Winning lets you buy more items to spend at the level up shop whilst losing results in you laying in the gutter in a pool of your own vomit outside the casino, wondering why you ever thought gambling was a good idea.
All the fighting is controlled with the digital buttons to punch and kick whilst the shoulder buttons unleash the mighty power of the Godhand, or one of your special moves such as "Pimp Slap" or "Ball Buster". The right stick is mapped to a fast step dodge action whilst the left moves Gene around. Unfortunately it is here where Godhand starts to go from lovable 1980's beat up romp to unlovable 2007 broken game tragedy.
Godhands camera is a dud.
With the right stick used for dodging, there is no easy way to line Gene up for fighting. It stays stuck behind him and your enemies stay out of view if you accidentally run past them which you will, especially when using the Godhand power as it speeds up your movement and makes Gene damn hard to position correctly. Basically, when you reach the "Strap me in and swap out my Hahn Light for a Full Strength Beer because I'm pressing the Godhand button" moment, most of the power up time gets wasted because you end up running right past the enemies that you wanted to hand the pain to. This is the opposite of fun, in fact, I would go so far as to call it "Unfun (tm)" (Unfun is a trademark of the Brett review corporation).
Graphically, Godhand has some other "Unfun" issues which don't break the game, but do leave it feeling unpolished and unfinished. Walls and textures disappear regularly and there are serious clipping problems with all the characters. There are a few blur effects in the special moves but by and large Godhand is an ugly game. So with a broken camera, annoying controls and bad graphics with horrible clipping why is it that my balls hurt again? Why do I climb the fence of love every time I insert Godhand into the PS2?
Simply put, Godhand is a Orio Flurry in a world of plain vanilla ice cream. It has a well weighted difficulty curve, a crazy and unpredictable story line, fantastic Dick Dale guitar style surf music and sound effects, an unedited sense of humour and a great cast of characters to beat up, including a gay dance troupe who hate you. There is no cookie mould for this game, no rap star soundtrack, no gimmick movie tie in and no likely sequel. For every moment of frustration there are equal minutes of enjoyment where you help Gene take on those bastards who want his hand and nothing else in the world matters.
Confused? Well from here on in, nothing is going to get any clearer. The computer that your reading this review on is actually a time machine and we are going on a trip to the past to help clear up this Godhand love/hate issue. Place your hand on the screen and repeat after me :
"TAKE ME BACK IN TIME BRETT, TAKE ME BACK ... TO THE PAST!"
The date is now 1987, we are at a bowling alley and Brett is in the arcade section. Its not exactly the Brett that you know and love however, its 14 year old Brett, and he's just seen the brand new Double Dragon Arcade Game for the first time. Its 40 cents a game, enough to buy a Mars Bar in those days, and it has a bridge jumping section designed to eat your money, but it must be played. Finally, after years of being the little kid with small arms, Brett is a martial arts expert, one with a girlfriend who must be saved. But wait, little Brett just saw us! Quickly, get your hand back onto the screen, we need to get out of here before young Brett and old Brett merge into some conjoined time space continuum wrecking entity! Repeat after me :
"TAKE ME BACK TO PRESENT DAY BRETT, TAKE ME BACK ... TO THE NOW!"
Do you remember the first time that a video game caught your attention? Godhand has a certain spirit that made me think of this moment. Sensible, non nostalgic Brett wants to sit on the fence with his swollen nads and tell you to rent Godhand and see for yourself, whilst old school cool retro wreckless Brett says cough up the $70 and buy yourself some indulgent fun. Have a think about what sort of Brett you follow, and act accordingly.
I've climbed over the fence that separates loving and hating Capcoms Godhand so many times that they are swollen from all the rubbing and friction. Part of me hopes that a gorgeous anime chick comes along and replaces my swollen nads with more powerful GodBalls that I might smite my enemies with, but deep down inside I know that I should of taken better care of my manlihood.
Godhand is a 3D beat em up that tells the story of a man who has lost his arm to a group of thugs, only to have it replaced by a giant all powerful GodHand, capable of opening a whole 24 Can Value Pack of whoop arse on his enemies. Of course, other bad guys want him dead so as to have the Godhand for themselves, and thus the circle of violence is complete as he punches and kicks his way through the wild west.
The player controls Gene (The recipient of the Godhand) and has the simple objective of progressing through the various levels using violence, violence and more violence. Levels are short but enemies are plentiful and the only break in the action comes at the end of levels where you can purchase items at the shop or engage in simple casino games at the end of level casino. Winning lets you buy more items to spend at the level up shop whilst losing results in you laying in the gutter in a pool of your own vomit outside the casino, wondering why you ever thought gambling was a good idea.
All the fighting is controlled with the digital buttons to punch and kick whilst the shoulder buttons unleash the mighty power of the Godhand, or one of your special moves such as "Pimp Slap" or "Ball Buster". The right stick is mapped to a fast step dodge action whilst the left moves Gene around. Unfortunately it is here where Godhand starts to go from lovable 1980's beat up romp to unlovable 2007 broken game tragedy.
Godhands camera is a dud.
With the right stick used for dodging, there is no easy way to line Gene up for fighting. It stays stuck behind him and your enemies stay out of view if you accidentally run past them which you will, especially when using the Godhand power as it speeds up your movement and makes Gene damn hard to position correctly. Basically, when you reach the "Strap me in and swap out my Hahn Light for a Full Strength Beer because I'm pressing the Godhand button" moment, most of the power up time gets wasted because you end up running right past the enemies that you wanted to hand the pain to. This is the opposite of fun, in fact, I would go so far as to call it "Unfun (tm)" (Unfun is a trademark of the Brett review corporation).
Graphically, Godhand has some other "Unfun" issues which don't break the game, but do leave it feeling unpolished and unfinished. Walls and textures disappear regularly and there are serious clipping problems with all the characters. There are a few blur effects in the special moves but by and large Godhand is an ugly game. So with a broken camera, annoying controls and bad graphics with horrible clipping why is it that my balls hurt again? Why do I climb the fence of love every time I insert Godhand into the PS2?
Simply put, Godhand is a Orio Flurry in a world of plain vanilla ice cream. It has a well weighted difficulty curve, a crazy and unpredictable story line, fantastic Dick Dale guitar style surf music and sound effects, an unedited sense of humour and a great cast of characters to beat up, including a gay dance troupe who hate you. There is no cookie mould for this game, no rap star soundtrack, no gimmick movie tie in and no likely sequel. For every moment of frustration there are equal minutes of enjoyment where you help Gene take on those bastards who want his hand and nothing else in the world matters.
Confused? Well from here on in, nothing is going to get any clearer. The computer that your reading this review on is actually a time machine and we are going on a trip to the past to help clear up this Godhand love/hate issue. Place your hand on the screen and repeat after me :
"TAKE ME BACK IN TIME BRETT, TAKE ME BACK ... TO THE PAST!"
The date is now 1987, we are at a bowling alley and Brett is in the arcade section. Its not exactly the Brett that you know and love however, its 14 year old Brett, and he's just seen the brand new Double Dragon Arcade Game for the first time. Its 40 cents a game, enough to buy a Mars Bar in those days, and it has a bridge jumping section designed to eat your money, but it must be played. Finally, after years of being the little kid with small arms, Brett is a martial arts expert, one with a girlfriend who must be saved. But wait, little Brett just saw us! Quickly, get your hand back onto the screen, we need to get out of here before young Brett and old Brett merge into some conjoined time space continuum wrecking entity! Repeat after me :
"TAKE ME BACK TO PRESENT DAY BRETT, TAKE ME BACK ... TO THE NOW!"
Do you remember the first time that a video game caught your attention? Godhand has a certain spirit that made me think of this moment. Sensible, non nostalgic Brett wants to sit on the fence with his swollen nads and tell you to rent Godhand and see for yourself, whilst old school cool retro wreckless Brett says cough up the $70 and buy yourself some indulgent fun. Have a think about what sort of Brett you follow, and act accordingly.
Final Verdict
I can't tell you if Godhand is genius or tragedy but I can recommend you check it out for yourself. Forget about the broken camera and low quality graphics and you may find that Godhand is an enjoyable distraction from the safe and boring franchises and movie tie in games that make up so much of the current release schedules. I'm giving it one giant cardboard Godhand thumbs up.Pros
Simple and enjoyable gameplay , fantastic sense of humour , great soundtrack.
Cons
Camera issues , horrible clipping , bland graphics.