Ridge Racer 7

Review from AJ - Wednesday, 23 May 2007 @ 1:00am

So, a little while ago Brett decided he'd be a smartarse and write a review for Okami as a Haiku. While many of our readers where impressed with his inventive use of literary methods, frankly, I saw through his ruse. I know what he was really up to. He is lazy, and can't review games. There, I've said it! Writing his review in Haiku form (and poorly at that), was a thinly veiled effort to reduce his workload under editorial pressure from Yug and Matt. You see, Brett just hasn't performed to the standard of other authors here at Australian Gamer. His reviews have been plagued with random pop culture references and in-jokes that no one except him understand... not to mention that they are rarely actually about the game he was supposed to be reviewing. Once upon a time we could stand proud has one of the few gaming sites around that could give honest, truthful appraisals of games that were both accessible and enjoyable to read, but that at the core were serious reviews into which went a great amount of effort.

Honestly, I can't say whether he even played Okami before doing his "review". His piteous attempts at gaining praise though prose have failed to impress me. I stand by my commitment to concise, well written reviews which detail exactly what is fun (or not fun) about a game without resorting to fancy poetry or ridiculous photography which only loosely relates to the game being reviewed. God Hand?? Seriously.

So, without further delay, please sit back and enjoy another quality review from the pen of AJ, the last reviewer at Australian Gamer with any shred of integrity.

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An Ode to Riiiiiiidge Raaaaacer in the Limerick form

There once was a game from Japan
promoted by Sony's main man
called ridge racer seven
it's arcade racing heaven
providing you're a ridge racer fan

If a ridge racing fan you are not
but you're into driving a lot
though it's hard to control
and the music is droll
this game is perhaps worth a shot

The graphics are as clear as a bell
and the audio is plain sweet as well
it takes a bit to adjust
so practice you must
as the cornering is as weird as hell

You have to turn left to go right
and it'll do it without much a fight
but go the wrong way
and you surely will pay
and throw the controller you might

At the beginning things aren't so bad
till the cornering starts making you mad
not just cornering sideways
but all over highways
far better games I have had

The steering I just don't approve
but once you get into the groove
flick right and then left
if your reactions are deft
you'll soon be on the improve

The game has plenty of depth
and I'm sure I have quite a bit left
but play it some more
would be such a chore
it's leaving me patience bereft

Sure, Ridge racer has plenty a mode
online and offline, there's a load
But online is quite sucky
you'll win if you're lucky
but more likely your brain will implode

The online is not quite a farce
it most certainly would garner a pass
but without the cars you unlock
the whole things a crock
and smells just a little of ass

To make it worthwhile to race
unlock all the cars with some pace
or last you will come
and that's simply not fun
bout the same as a punch in the face

But it maybe just a little remiss
to talk nothing but bad in all this
the game has its good
so maybe I should
mention it without taking the piss

The cars, roads and scenery are nice
the music and effects will suffice
its mostly enjoyable
but strangely also deplorable
and barely is it worth half the price

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Summary

If you can't stand my limerick, then you probably won't like Ridge Racer. I know it's a stretch, but my poem is about as close to a game review as Ridge Racer is to a racing game, so it's only fair. While there is plenty of good to be seen here particularly if you're an arcade fan, the game is definitely target squarely at existing fans of the game, and does little to encourage other racers to jump on the bandwagon.

Pros

Looks great, is actually a heap of fun once you get used to it. Plenty of depth and unlockables. 40 cars, 22 courses.

Cons

Horrible physics. Online mode is unplayable unless you have unlocked the top cars. Difficult for non-drifters to get the hang of.