Sacred 2: Fallen Angel

Review from Brett - Friday, 09 October 2009 @ 3:29pm

Hello and welcome to The Lotus Bear Chinese Cuisine.

You look familiar, is you name Mr. Folger? It’s not? No matter, I’m sure we can help you today.

Would you like to try the shrimp? Maybe number 42, the special combination? Oh, I see…You come here looking for knowledge; you want to know about the Sacred II game on PS3? I’m not sure I can help. Apparently the Lotus Bear cannot be trusted to take reviews seriously.

The Fortune Cookie Is Magical

But..maybe I can help. You see, the fortune cookie is magical; it will help you learn all you need to know about the Sacred II game. But beware, for the cookie delivers due fortune and should not be abused. Do you want to learn more about Sacred II?

The Cookie Is Just

That's right, open the box and take a cookie and you will learn all that you need to know about Sacred II, heed my warning though, the cookie is just and will deliver the truth.

The Cookie Has No Price

Place the cookie on the game disc. Let the cookie absorb what is required. NO! Do not place the game disc in your PS3. That is the Western way of reviewing. That way will lead to suffering. There is no right or wrong, there is only IGN or the cookie. The cookie needs no money from publishers, the cookie has no price, and the cookie is now your trusted reviewer. Trust in the fortune of the cookie.

Generosity And Perfection Are Your Everlasting Goals

The cookie tells you that the Sacred II game is generous. It is an RPG, and will last a long time. It will last longer than David Beckham in the bedroom after four Viagra and a tube of nasal spray. That is a long time. The cookie states that perfection is a goal, for Sacred II is not a perfect game, but you may just find that April brings romance.

Ask Probing Questions Before Venturing Into New Territory

You may ask "why do I need to play the Sacred II game when I am more than happy playing racing car games like SEGA Rally?" Lotus Brett cannot answer that for you, only his magical fortune cookies can. The cookie may hint that Sacred II is slightly old school in its RPG angle, being more hack and slash than newer title, or the cookie may simply be delicious. Beware though; do not abuse the magical power of the cookie.

It's Hard To Stumble When You're On Your Knees

Does Sacred II aim too low? Is the aim of creating a solid Diablo style level up romp enough to justify your purchase? The cookie thinks you could do worse if you enjoy this style of game. Lotus Brett has no opinion on this of course, for only the cookie can be trusted to review.

Treat Your Friends As You Do Your Pictures

The cookie is so wise. It understands that the multiplayer of Sacred II is strength. It also knows what websites you visit when your friends and housemates aren’t around. The cookie seems to be growing tired of your quest for knowledge, yet you continue to come back again and again with such poor manners. What? You want to open another cookie? As you wish.

You Are Dead

What is that? You do not like what the cookie is telling you? I warned you that the cookie was not to be taken lightly. I was not the one who made you eat all those cookies in your insatiable quest for knowledge. If you were interested in the Sacred II game then it would have been wiser to simply play the game and make your own mind up rather than spoil the experience reading so many reviews. No, no, the Lotus Bear does not have a refund policy, what is that voice? What is it saying? Could it be the conclusion already? Nooooooooooooo!!!!

Pros

You hack, you slash, Sacred 2 looks pretty and your friends can play too.
This review is so late that the game is probably in the bargain bins by now.

Cons

Sometimes the hacking and the slashing gets boring.
The whole deal is a little cliched and unoriginal.