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Super Stardust HD

Reviewed on: Playstation 3
Available on: Playstation 3

A 3D review of a 2D game. Blast off with Captain Brett now!

Players: 1-2 Players
Genre:
Release: 2007-06-28

Developer: Housemarque
Distributor: Sony Computer Entertainment

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JULY 25th 2007 � 0900 Hours

Welcome Space Cadets to Day Zero. I trust you are all well rested and ready for your journey to "The Third Dimension"(TM BrettCorp). I have chosen you because you represent the pinnacle of the Australian Gamer Community. Consider yourselves "The Walrus" and myself "The Eggman", Goo Goo Ga Choo.

Please assemble in an orderly fashion behind "Cadet Expendable" and remember that in all dangerous circumstances "Cadet Expendable" will be going first to ensure the safety of the greater group.

JULY 25th 2007 - 1000 Hours

Zero Hour on Zero Day is close a hand Cadets. I trust that you all have your Cardboard Space Goggles and Elastic Bands. We will now begin assembling the equipment that will enable us to travel to "The Third Dimension".

Open your Space Envelope. Remove the glasses template and Space Cellophane. Take my business card and send me a text thanking me for the glasses as today is my birthday. Anyone failing to send the birthday text will probably suffer a horrible death in the following mission so the birthday text is very important.

Take some scissors and cut out your nose and eye holes from the template. Cut two small holes in the marked circles to the right and left of the eye holes. Be careful when handling the Space Cardboard. If anyone comes into your room during this exercise quickly hide the goggles and pretend you were looking at porn. Trust me, it will be less embarrassing in the long run.

Grab a glue stick or tape and cover the eyepieces as shown below in Space Cellophane. Then hook the elastic bands through the smaller holes. Your goggles are now assembled. Please return to the foyer area and await further instructions.

JULY 25th 2007 � 1100 Hours � Mission Briefing

The vehicle we will be travelling in today is a prototype model from the Playstation Store called Super Stardust HD. Its equipped with twin sticks, one for firing and one for moving, not unlike the Geometry Wars ship used over at the Xbox 360 Space Labs. The ship itself is quite cheap at $13.45 but the hardware used to power it is rather expensive even with the recent price drop. The hardware does have significantly less chance of breaking and displaying a red ring error message however.

Our plan for today will be to fly into orbit and destroy some asteroids and debris circling the planet and thus save the world, then we will have a nice lunch, maybe some sandwiches and a glass of milk, before returning to Earth as heroes.

JULY 25th 2007 � 1500 Hours � Boarding Call

This the final boarding call for Super Stardust HD 3D Review. Any Space Cadets not ready for departure please report to the boarding gate 69 for immediate check in. Please be advised that all hand luggage must be safely stowed in the overhead lockers and remember to pay attention to the safety instructions once aboard.

JULY 25th 2007 � 1800 Hours � Safety Instructions

Welcome aboard Cadets. Before take off we will be discussing some safety issues relevant to this journey. Movement of our vehicle as discussed before is a two stick affair. Left Analogue for movement, Right Analogue for fire. Different fire modes (3 available) are accessible from the L1 and R1 buttons. A smart bomb in case of emergency is available under the R2 button. A boost function is available under the L2 button.Toilets are available at the rear of the ship. As this is a Sony Funded mission, Ipods and Zunes are not allowed onboard.

In the event of an explosion "Cadet Expendable" and "Cadet Halo Nerd" have been assigned to stay on board and fight the fire with "Cheese In A Can" whilst the rest of you escape. Please remember that we only have three ships available before its "Game Over:".

Please place your chairs in an upright position and prepare for take off.

JULY 25th 2007 � 2000 Hours � Take Off

This is your Captain speaking, we will be achieving optimum review altitude shortly, please extinguish all cigarettes. BrettCorp thanks you once again for placing your life ahead of those around you by volunteering for this mission. Have a nice day.

JULY 25th 2007 � 22:00 � Ready The Space Goggles

We have now reached review altitude. Please reach under your seat and take out your 3D Goggles. The review is about to begin. Do not be alarmed when you see the text floating out of the screen towards you. Remember that sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you. Also remember that I am rubber and you are glue and everything bad you say bounces off of me and sticks to you. Place the googles on your face and hook the elastic bands around your ears. You are now entering "The Third Dimension"

JULY 25th 2007 � Unknown Time and Space

Welcome to The Third Dimension cadets. This is what we have been training for all this time. What was that? You haven�t been training? But who�s going to fly the ship and destroy these asteroids?

OH NOES! THERE�S ONE COMING FOR US, WATCH OUT!

Who organised this mission anyway? What sort of crazy plan was this? I�ll have to quickly train you all up, it�s our only chance of survival.

Cadet Twisted One, you seem to have the best eye sight out of everyone here, you will be in charge of moving our ship across the planet�s orbit. Pretend you're playing asteroids, you're old enough to remember that, although you push the left stick in the direction you want to move rather than thrust around. Try not to move too much, The Super Stardust HD ship is much easier to control with limited movement.

Cadet Si, you will be in charge of the guns, there are three types of weapons, each weapon has a different damage model depending on what your shooting. I tend to use the fire weapon most because it looks the coolest, feel free to put your personal preference ahead of any regard for our lives.

Cadet Annand, I�m changing you name to Cadet Isaac because your now in charge of the bar. Also be advised that you will need to give advice on relationships from time to time. Your next assignment is to chop up some lemons for my Corona and to call my girlfriend to tell her that I love her.

I�ll need someone to press the smart bomb should we get into trouble. Cadet Michael, you were here first, you get the Smart Bomb job. Be careful though, you only get three smart bombs.

The rest of you can sit back and watch a movie. Thank god we have such talented Cadets to lead us out trouble�.

OH NOES! WHAT�S WITH THE TERRIBLE SOUNDS AND THE SHAKING?

OH NOES! SOMETHING JUST HIT THE SHIP!

Cadet Twisted One, what are you doing? You can�t go zooming everywhere whilst the asteroids are around. The whole planet playfield wraps around so when you zoom off too fast you end up on the other side of the playfield and often that means trouble. We only have 2 lives left now. Get Cadets Halo Nerd and Expendable out here, we need to patch up the ship and get an extra life by collecting the glowing remains of the destroyed asteroids. Cadet Halo Nerd, spray that �Cheese in a Can� around the hole in the hull to stop the air getting out.

OH NOES! ANOTHER HIT, STOP RUNNING INTO THINGS YOU BALDING IDIOT!

That�s it, Cadet Twisted, your off the controls. No, don�t complain, If you weren�t so busy showing everyone your pink playstation then maybe we wouldn�t have lost another life.

Get Cadet Shadow Talon up here in the cockpit. What�s that? He�s too busy laughing because I said cockpit? Forget about it, I�ll fly us out of here.

I�ll just turn up the cool 1980�s techno music soundtrack and get to work saving all your asses. There, first level is cleared. Only five to go. Hey look, I�m in the top 200 on the scoreboard. Wow, this game must really be selling well.

This thing might be fun to control with the Sixaxis controller rather than the analogue sticks, too bad you can�t. I guess it�s been around since the Amiga 500 though so I won�t mention that it�s very similar to Geometry Wars. Just about got us through another level. It�s kind of hard at first but actually becomes easier quite quickly. The end levels where the baddies warp in are still a challenge though. It�s a shame there�s not more of that twitch based game play here.

Nearly there, just got to get through this last level. Damn this is getting hard again. I feel like I�ve been shooting things for about 20 minutes now. It�s getting a little monotonous, a bit more variation would be good. I wonder if the sandwiches are cut into squares or triangles. Did I remember to set the video to tape Oprah while I was out? I think I can see the earth coming back into view. We are coming in for landing Cadets, everything is going to be ok thanks to Space Captain Brett.

OH NOES! THERE�S ONE COMING FOR US, WATCH OUT!

Who organised this mission anyway? What sort of crazy plan was this? I�ll have to quickly train you all up, it�s our only chance of survival.

Cadet Twisted One, you seem to have the best eye sight out of everyone here, you will be in charge of moving our ship across the planet�s orbit. Pretend your playing asteroids, your old enough to remember that, although you push the left stick in the direction you want to move rather than thrust around. Try not to move too much, The Super Stardust HD ship is much easier to control with limited movement.

Cadet Si, you will be in charge of the guns, there are three types of weapons, each weapon has a different damage model depending on what your shooting. I tend to use the fire weapon most because it looks the coolest, feel free to put your personal preference ahead of any regard for our lives.

Cadet Annand, I�m changing you name to Cadet Isaac because your now in charge of the bar. Also be advised that you will need to give advice on relationships from time to time. Your next assignment is to chop up some lemons for my Corona and to call my girlfriend to tell her that I love her.

I�ll need someone to press the smart bomb should we get into trouble. Cadet Michael, you were here first, you get the Smart Bomb job. Be careful though, you only get three smart bombs.

The rest of you can sit back and watch a movie. Thank god we have such talented Cadets to lead us out trouble�.

OH NOES! WHAT�S WITH THE TERRIBLE SOUNDS AND THE SHAKING?

OH NOES! SOMETHING JUST HIT THE SHIP!

OH NOES! ANOTHER HIT, STOP RUNNING INTO THINGS YOU BALDING IDIOT!

JULY 26th 2041 � 0000 Hours

And goggles off people, we have successfully returned from The Third Dimension. Here we are, about to land back in good old 2041.

2041?

My god, I�m old and grey! I�ve missed the release of Sega Rally Revo by 34 years. Look at Cadet Halo Nerd, he has a beard and his voice is deeper. Look at Cadet Twisted, his hair grew back! What have I done... What have I done... Noooooooooooooo...

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Final Verdict

Super Stardust HD isn�t a bad piece of retro shooter fun but it definitely isn�t the 8/10 game that other sites are proclaiming. Still there�s worse things to spend $13.45 on, such as postage stamps for about 100 pairs of 3D Goggles.

Pros
You shoot things, it�s cheap and the soundtrack is fantastic.
Cons
It was earth all along. No, wait that doesn�t even make sense.