Bayonetta

Review from Matt - Tuesday, 12 January 2010 @ 5:31am

Let’s just get it out of the way. Bayonetta is going to be pretty freaking familiar to anyone who’s played Devil May Cry. The combination of swords and guns is not a new one to that franchise, and the focus on spectacular combat that sometimes is extravagant to the point of distraction is a mainstay of that series. Similarly the supernatural battle type theme is part and parcel of both IPs. This isn’t a coincidence. Developer Platinum Games is made up of the team who began Devil May Cry.

Bayonetta turns all the excess of Devil May Cry up to 11. The moves are bigger, the attacks flashier, the cutscenes intently less interested in reality. What you get is an epileptic nightmare, but an ADHD dream.
Bayonetta displays its Japanese sensibilities with enthusiasm. The cutscenes have more cheese than a Super Supreme Pizza with extra cheese, and the Japanese aren’t afraid to have their characters startlingly sexualised without trying to justify it with any sort of context. Bayonetta is built on the notion of fan service.

To the right, a giant demon. To the left, a finely toned ass.

Bayonetta herself has been portrayed as overtly sexual right from the start. Whether that’s a good thing or not I’ll leave to wiser heads to discuss, because I’m sexually immature and giggle when I someone mentions the Penal code or French novelist Balzac. Bayonetta’s sexuality does tend towards the immature, it’s sexy in a kind of lesbian Japanese Catholic schoolgirls kind of way: entertaining, but a bit tacky and probably taking the whole thing a little too far.

The core principle of Bayonetta is that as a witch she uses her hair as a costume. Which isn’t as scratchy as it sounds, it makes quite a nice catsuit type thing, a hair bra to shame any FHM photoshoot. Her hair is very versatile, and she also uses it to fight with. Many of her more powerful moves (and all of her finishing moves) are made out of her hair. “But isn’t her hair her clothing?” I hear you ask. Indeed it is. This means Bayonetta has a choice between kicking ass and covering her own. She always chooses kicking ass.

And fair enough, because at the kicking of ass she does excel. If I was good at something I’d want to do it all the time too, so I can understand her tendancy towards fisticuffs. Combat is definitely the high point. Well, combat and that ass. Anyway, combat is largely button mashy. You can get the hang of some nice combos, though, if you put the time in. There are also multiple different weapons that can be accessed through the game, including a whip, a set of claws, and my favourite, the Katana. These weapons help change up combat, though they’re not really “necessary” in any real sense. Many of the enemy also drop weapons, and these enemy weapons are uber powerful, but only for a few good hits.

The back of Bayonetta's outfit looks like a vagina. To me.

It’s just as well that the action is so polished because the story is an open-faced lightly toasted shit sandwich. What’s not inexplicable is absurd, and it starts that was and then continues on. It’s hard to pick the point at which the absurdity goes too far. You get this sense that “well, I’ve been with it so far, what’s one more”. But it’s like eating condensed milk from a can. It seems nice at first, but eventually even that much tasty goodness just gets to you, it’s almost painfully too much. Plus you put on like 15 kilos in your second year of uni. Don’t ask, it was a difficult time.

The absurdities in Bayonetta go deeper and deeper until you just start to think “really?” They get frustrating, because there’s no sense of accomplishment or vulnerability to the character. She’s simply invincible, and that’s actually surprisingly uninteresting. If she gets shot into the sun she’ll just run up a fucking solar flare and then bounce off a series of satellites until she lands with a sassy double entendre and casual (as in casual sex) body language.
Character motivations border on the nonsensical. Luka is of particular interest. He’s happy to kid around with her and buddy up, and flirt. But he hates her because he thinks she killed his father. He also clearly wants to bone her so bad it makes even my balls hurt on his behalf. So he’s got this kind of Oedipus by proxy thing that confuses yet intrigues me.

One of the other characters is Rodin. If you think Constantine’s Papa Midnite you’re getting there. He runs a bar colourfully called The Gates of Hell. The Gates of Hell is a lot like an occult 7-11. There’s a lot of shit you don’t actually need, everything is insultingly expensive, they pop up in the most random of places, and it’s really hard to figure out where the guy who runs the place is from.

Rodin is interesting. He’s got a kind of “I used to be a player but now I’m biding my time” edge to him that makes him kind of fun. Plus he hammers demons into weapons for you. Character design in general tends towards the lacklustre in humans. Enzo is the worst character ever. Joe Pesci crossed with Danny Devito, crossed with the pawnbroker guy in The Crow. Dammit, I just realized that was who he reminds me of. I hate that guy.

Not pictured: taking names and chewing gum

There’s not much more for humans. The vast majority of humans are “water textured” and you can’t interact with them. They just cringe when you shoot near them, and possibly run away. Cowards. Die in your own terror and excrement.

But the monsters are a lot more impressive. Actually I say “monsters”, but they’re really angels. They’re the good guys. You just happen to lean more towards the “bad” side of things. They are angels, from heaven, and the trappings of religion are everywhere. They have feathery wings and halos, and all of that sort of thing. But they’re not the fairy angels of the paintings, nor the winged warriors depicted Darksiders and elsewhere. In general they are made up of white and gold, pieces of old statues and religious iconography. They have nice names, positive names of virtues, like Grace, Majesty, Justice, Temperance, or Affinity. They are often quite grotesque in their form, despite being made of feathers and light and golden armour, they have upside down heads, and malformed mouths. They have the heads of baby-faced cherubs on giant axe wielding hunchback bodies. Quite frankly I haven’t seen the Word of God this distorted and perverted since the foundation of the Church.

I suspect an American made game probably couldn’t have taken the religion aspects as far as this does. The Japanese, however, are free to interpret another religion in much the same way we would happily take liberties with the Norse faith, for example. That being said, while there’s a degree of obvious connection to Western Christian tenets I don’t think Bayonetta is actually referencing those so much as using them as easily accessible archetypes for a fictional religion. Well… all religions are fictional, but you get my point.

I should say at this point that there are two versions of Bayonetta. The PS3 one is what I got. The reason is I don’t own an Xbox 360 (though my flatmate does) and I’d heard the minor flaws in Bayonetta’s PS3 port were being fixed for the western release.

I heard wrong.

Torture moves. A one hit kill on these lower level guys, and a highlight of the game.

There are some graphical issues. The PS3 has slightly muddier textures, and the colour isn’t as bright, though you wouldn’t know it to look at, the game looks amazing. Of greater concern is the loading. It’s not just the level loading, that actually isn’t a problem. In fact, the game gives you a chance to practice your moves while it’s loading levels, which is a great way to make that time fly by. No no, what takes time to load is little things while you’re playing. You pick up a new item and it gives you a picture of it on the screen with a short description.

However, while on the Xbox 360 that comes up immediately (I believe) on the PS3 there’s a delay of approximately 2 -3 seconds. It’s not a crushing issue, but it’s faintly annoying. And it’s faintly annoying every fucking time it happens. Which is every few minutes. Even worse, there are delays when you press start. It takes 3 - 5 seconds to bring up that menu as well, which IS instant on the Xbox 360. It’s like being on a plane and the little shit behind you has those oblivious twit parents who fail to notice that their hellspawn is kicking your seat at random but routine intervals. It’s not going to kill you, but it is enough to make you wish you’d taken a different flight.

So take a different flight. If you want Bayonetta, get the Xbox 360 version if you have any choice.

And you DO want Bayonetta. It doesn’t deserve its 10 out of 10s and its 40 out of 40. Even if the loading issues and so on weren’t there the story is still incomprehensible and absurd. There are frustrating issues with the positioning of checkpoints and chapters, the overall difficulty gets painful, and some bosses are an exercise in not smashing your controller through the TV. But in general it IS a whole hell of a lot of fun.

We could also spend a lot of time discussing Bayonetta’s sexual identity, and what exactly that means in terms of gender representation in videogames. Is she a positive model because she’s in charge of her sexuality? Or does she simply represent another oversexed woman under the male gaze, all the more a victim due to her apparent consent? And what does this game say about us, the buying public? Should we weep that such tawdry material finds such a ready market, or should we be glad that such simple open sexuality can be enjoyed unashamedly?

Ultimately my answer to that is this: bewbs are nice.

Hit weak spot for massive damage!

Pros

Excellent combat, amusingly titillating in a kind of juvenile way, some cut scenes of sheer genius, genuinely funny in parts. A solid start to a new franchise. Intro and torture moves for Joy - awesome.

Cons

There is NO reason for "fly me to the moon". Never use quicktime events. Never put long cinematics BEFORE boss fights and make you watch them again and again. Inconsistent narrative - combines CG, ingame cutscene and a dodgy film effect with no rhyme or reason. Intro and torture moves for Joy. I can't support that.