MAG

Review from Brett - Sunday, 21 February 2010 @ 10:10pm

Video game reviews are fantastic aren’t they? You get to read some one else’s opinion of a piece of software and accept it as fact. I’ve decided that I’m going to stop reading reviews in the future and furthermore, I’m also not going to write any reviews either. I also think that you should join me in this boycott of video game journalism. With this in mind, it would be hypocritical for me to write a review of MAG for Playstation 3, and it would be hypocritical of you to read such a review, so instead I’m going to tell you all about a wonderful dream that I had last night.

I dreamt that I was Danny Glover.

Not Mel, The Other Guy In The Background With The Mo

Have a good think about how awesome this would be. I was Danny Mother-fucking Glover. I was living in a big mansion and when I walked down the street people would point and look at me and give me massive props for being so god damn cool. I wonder if Danny Glover dreamt that he was me. I bet that if he did, he was probably a little disappointed.

I certainly wasn’t disappointed. Especially when, while I was being Danny Glover and chilling in my big house, the phone rang. It was a production studio that wanted to know if I would star in a remake of Lethal Weapon. Since Lethal Weapon is the most awesome movie ever made, I said yes. I was extra excited when I was told that David Cronenberg was directing the remake and that there would be multiple scenes where bad guys head’s exploded. Mel Gibson was a confirmed starter too, so I’d be able to make inappropriate jokes about Jewish people while I was onset.

This Is Not A Review Of MAG

Now you may think that I’m trying to write some trick review here. You’re probably thinking that I’m somehow trying to get you to read between the lines and compare MAG to another online first person shooter by comparing Mel Gibson to Danny Glover. I can confirm though, that this is definitely not the case. Comparing COD for example to MAG would be silly, even in a literal sense and I definitely don’t want to get into that dangerous territory where this article may be considered some sort of review. With that said, let’s move on with the story.

Since I hadn’t been doing a lot of work since that last Lethal Weapon I decided that it would be best if I had a haircut. Rather than go to a fancy salon I decided to cut my Danny Glover Afro myself with some clippers. After about five minutes of clipping, I decided to check in the mirror to see my progress. Although I had only cut half my hair, it still looked amazing. Up to this point in my life I hadn’t realised that not only was Danny Glover a great supporting actor, but he is also great at half shaving his own hair without a mirror and still having the result turn out looking good. I bet even Fanta tasted better when you are Danny Glover, so I went to the fridge and got a Fanta and it tasted great. There I was, having great Fanta with a cool haircut, wondering what Mel Gibson was doing. I couldn’t wait to catch up with him on the movie set.

Danny Glover Has Nothing To Do With MAG At All

I’d like to confirm that in no way should the above paragraph be used to draw any conclusions regarding the quality of MAG. To associate Danny Glover’s haircut with the quality of the graphics in MAG would be an extremely long bow to draw and break my earlier promise of not reviewing MAG. Furthermore, any association with the taste of Fanta to MAG’s THX certified sound effects would be incorrect and perhaps even some sort of trademark infringement. I repeat that this is not a review of MAG, and any conclusions that you draw from this text are purely unsubstantiated.

Eager to catch up with Mel and the cast and crew I headed down to the set. Unfortunately after driving for a few minutes to get there I was disappointed to see that the set was closed for two hours due to maintenance. Eventually though, everyone turned up and it was time to start shooting some scenes.

In my first scene, Mel and I were going to be chasing some bad guys in my car. David yelled ACTION and we started driving and swearing, just like in the good old days. For some reason though, Mel didn’t have a microphone on, and nobody could hear him swearing and saying cool kick arse one liners. I felt bad about this and compensated by calling everyone else names but it just wasn’t the same as when everyone has a microphone.

There Will Be No Review Of MAG Today...Sorry

I know what you’re thinking… It may seem like I’m trying to say that the MAG servers have had some down time recently, and that the game suffers from everyone not having microphones or voice communication. Obviously this isn’t the case, as this is not a review, as I am not writing reviews anymore.

Back in my Danny Glover dream, we were on the second scene. I was going to sneak up on some drug dealers in a basement and shoot them with my gun, making their heads explode. Then Mel was going to run into the room and say “Way to get ahead Roger.”

I walked through the basement hallway pulling my “sneaking-with-my-gun-out-face”. Then I went to climb up on some pipes to get a good vantage point to blow some heads off, but I just couldn’t get up on the pipes. It was like there was an invisible wall around them, no matter how I jumped or crouched. David said that this wasn’t a big deal, and since I was having so much fun on set with all my friends I decided to just get on with the movie.

As the shooting went on and everyone in Hollywood got more and more excited about the movie, we received extra funding and the movie just got better and better. We had heaps more guns and costumes to use towards the end, but it did make me feel a little upset that the early scenes weren’t as cool as the latter ones. I hoped that people wouldn’t be put off by the early props looking a little cheap.

Finally, after months of shooting, the movie was ready to screen. The opening weekend crowds were substantial and everyone enjoyed the movie and had a great time. I wondered if everyone would enjoy the movie just as much when the crowds died down though. I hoped that this would be the case but you never can be sure.

Then I Woke Up

As I lay in bed, trying to comprehend my dream, I was a little sad that I was plain old honkey Brett again. I wished that I could be Danny Glover every night. Then I had some coffee and some Coco-Pops and thought about it. I guess it’s better to have been Danny Glover for a night, than to never have been Danny Glover at all. Maybe my life wasn’t so bad. I sat down on the couch and put my Playstation 3 and headset on. It was time to make some inappropriate jokes about headshots while I played my new game. It’s called MAG, and I’d recommend that you check it out rather than listen to what some of those so-called game reviewers say. You may just find that you like it.

Pros

Plenty of players at this stage and decent servers with little or no lag. Great sound and decent graphics. Control layout makes sense and even though it's tough at first, the well spaced upgrades drive you to continue.

Cons

No single player element. Tough learning curve not helped by poor load outs for new players. Generic theme has been done before.