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review :: colin mcrae dirt

Colin McRae Dirt

Reviewed on: Playstation 3
Available on: PC, Playstation 3, Xbox 360

Sit down and prepare for today’s sermon because today we are going to talk about love.

Players: 1 - 2 Players Online
Genre:
Release: 2007-09-27
Developer: Codemasters
Distributor: Atari

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Welcome my dear followers, welcome to the Church Of Brett.

Please sit down, sit down on your beanbags, sit down at your computer desks, sit down on your couches or your beds. Sit down and prepare for today’s sermon because today we are going to talk about love.

What is love? Baby do not hurt me no more, because today we will find love. We will not find it in illicit affairs of the heart, oh no. We will not find it at the bottom of a bottle or in the shiny jewels offered by the man with a black heart, oh no. Today we will find love in the only place that love lives, oh yes. Today we will find love in a rally game for the Playstation 3.

Amen.

What is love if it is not worth waiting for? Is the foolish rushed love of Colin McRae Dirt for the Xbox 360 with it’s very occasional slowdown true love or is the much delayed PS3 version of Colin McRae Dirt with no slowdown a truer, cleaner love? Are these identical loves when rated by the beholders?

But I hear Satan at the rear passenger door! The PS3 controller does not rumble yet it is lighter. Should owners of the Xbox 360 version be tempted by Satan’s offer of a slightly cleaner graphics engine? Do not be a fool and fall into this trap my followers. If you already own Colin McRae Dirt on another platform be aware that the PS3 version is the best, but not in all respects and thus not also needed.

But what of those of you who give your heart to the Church Of Brett and thus have only the Playstation 3 to keep you entertained. In this respect then Dirt is love and joy and a worthy purchase.

Amen.

When Jesus sat down at the last supper he did not just break bread or pour wine. He also handed out the sixaxis controller to his disciples and they played. This online was not head to head though, instead they raced each others times, and whilst it was holy it was not divine. Jesus did own the disciples at all tracks though, except for Paul who would quit out before the end of the game if he was losing and was thus called a dirty quit-whore by the others.

Yet love is also deep in the soul of the single player. A deep and long single player series with many events is like the birds flying overhead, twisting and teasing each other in play whilst the rainbow of light shines from the sun. Racing newbies, not yet proficient in the rally genre can learn at their own pace thanks to a number of difficulty levels whilst veterans can show off on the online scoreboards. Money is not love but value for money is and Colin McRae Dirt can offer this to even the destitute and the poor.



Just like real rally racing, all space is packed with advertising.


Sometimes evil lurks in the hearts of good men however, Some of Dirt’s play modes have the horrible smell of evil smeared on their circle buttons. Racing trucks and 4X4 Rally Raids do not belong in Dirt. They are impostors in our heart of joy. Motorstorm's trucks are beautiful, Dirt’s trucks do not handle right and I say that as a man who has never driven a truck in real life and thus know everything. These modes are not fun and should be avoided if possible.

And now, I will pass around the collection plate. Click bellow to give via PayPal to the Church Of Brett and secure your place in the righteous land where we will play Rally Games and eat Pringles all day whilst listening to Mr Bungle Albums. Give now and save your soul or face eternity in hell eating carrot sticks and playing Kabuki Warriors whilst listening to U2 Albums. This is the way of Brett.



Amen.

Now we must talk about the handling and controls for Dirt. Some will say that we should not endorse Dirt at the Church of Brett because the controls are not refined or different from previous games. I say what is different? Is different wearing your underpants on the outside of your slacks? If so then different is wrong and should be scorned. The Church of Brett does not change it’s ways or adapt to the changing fashions of time and we do not expect our games too either. We thank Codemasters for creating solid controls and handling that are also fun rather than falling to the evil cry of sixaxis tilt which is not holy and does largely suck.

And now I will pass around the collection plate again because I see that no one gave or clicked the first time. I remind you all that the Church of Brett is a non profit organization because we spend all our proceeds on Cheezels and beer and that giving will guarantee you a place in the holy land.

Amen.



Little dune buggy, in the sand ... Little blue dune buggy, in my hand


Finally it is time for the conclusion and then we will go and spread the word and perhaps answer hate mail from religious zealots. I urge all of you with a Playstation 3 and $110 to consider either giving the money to the Church of Brett or consider buying Colin McRae Dirt for yourself because it is a good game.

Amen.

Final Verdict

The path of the righteous rally game is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil games. Blessed is Colin McRae Dirt because in the name of charity and good will it does not suck and is actually very good.

Pros
Great presentation, graphics and game play. Enough to keep you interested for ages, difficulty levels are well implemented
Cons
Online Modes are light on. Truck Racing sections are annoying rather than a fun diversion

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