Sega Superstar Tennis

Review from Carl - Friday, 11 July 2008 @ 8:45pm

When examining my own existence, you would think that a guy like me has got it all. I am in the prime of my youth, attending university, acting in a number of plays (Oh! What a Lovely War at Newcastle University, running for from July 30th, end shameless plug) with my own play soon to be performed in Perth, finally achieving employment, all coupled with the fact that I work for Australia's fastest growing and least reliable gaming news and reviews website, Australian Gamer. Pretty sweet, huh?

I didn’t write this introduction to gloat. I wrote it because despite all of the goodness in my life, there is a gaping whole in my existence, a void of emptiness. There is something essential that I am missing, and it is slowly driving me mad, like a splinter in the brain, it drives itself in deeper and deeper until it hurts to breathe, like a fire in my lungs. It screams to be filled, tormenting me day and night. I can’t sleep, I can barely eat. It is crushing me, and for the longest time I have considered ending it all.

Hang on a minute. Is that a game featuring anthropomorphic creatures playing tennis?

All of a sudden, I’m feeling much better...



Before this review seriously gets underway, I’ll just make one thing abundantly clear: I’m a Playstation guy.
The only dealings I ever had with Sega occurred when I was eight and one of my friends owned a Sega Mega Drive. While I was notably impressed with his Sonic the Hedgehog titles, I was far too preoccupied with the emerging Playstation to take any real interest in the console. That, quite literally, is all the credentials I have going into this review. If you need any more proof, I’ve been referring to Space Channel 5 as Deep Space 9 in the early edits of this review.

Sega fanboys, look away now.

Sega Superstars Tennis throws all of the most popular Sega franchises together onto the tennis court for a rollicking good time. Visually, the game vomits colour and sunshine all over the place, highlighted through the various courts and character. Everything is bright and cheery, and were it to go any further, I am sure that various woodland creatures would join hands and dance around a maypole.

Thankfully, it doesn’t reach that point.

It’s to be expected, with the calibre of character that are presented. I’ll reiterate what I said at the beginning of this article and remind everyone that for the vast majority of my life, I was a single minded Playstation fanboy. As a result of this, very few names within the roster of character make any sense to me. For those in the know, the roster includes all of your favourite from the Sonic series, Super Monkey Ball, Golden Axe and......um, Space Channel 5 and...uh....Alex Kidd? Jet Set Radio? Samba De Amigo? NiGHTS into Dreams!?

Please fanboys, don’t kill me.



There are a range of gameplay modes on offer. Players can enter Exhibition mode and challenge another character to a single game, start Tournament mode and play against five randomly selected players in successive matches, or play in Superstars mode.

Superstars Mode is where the vast majority of Sega Superstars Tennis’ game length resides. Within this mode, all of Sega popular franchises have their own themed mini games to play, the most fun being the Space Invaders’ themed House of the Dead game. These themed games will provide plenty of entertainment and reward your efforts with added music tracks, franchise themed courts and even bonus characters.

Once again, you must unlock all of these before you invite your friends around, a feature that Matt and Yug have been vehemently protesting against for as long as I can remember. However, it’s needed if this game is going to hold your attention for over five minutes and is a nice distraction.

Like a Transformer, there is more to the tennis itself than meets the eye. Every playable character has their own signature special technique, to give them the advantage on the court. There is an added layer of fun in multiplayer to see Sonic’s rebounder zigzag across the courts of its own volition, or see NiGHTS lob a ball, have it disappear, and then reappear elsewhere. Multiplayer with these techniques is a hoot. Added to this is each player’s specialty, divided into Speed, Power, or Technique. The effect of these specialties is almost negligible on the court, but is still noted.

If you will indulge me, dear reader, I’m going to step up onto my trusty soapbox for a moment. This game has stirred within me ire unparalleled by any other game previous to it, and the cause of this fury is so minute that it may have gone unnoticed by any other gamer, or even be dismissed as trivial. But it must be noted.

Points. Sega, it seems, love to hand out points.

Now, points are widely considered to be good things. As gamers, we strive to achieve the greatest amount of points we can within any game. Any within a game such as Sega Superstars Tennis, wouldn’t I want as many points as I can get?

Let me answer that question with another question. How many points do I get for playing two games of tennis?

10,620,000. Ten million, six hundred and twenty thousand points.

That’s a motherfrakking big load of points. Too many points.



Let me put this to you Sega:

Who the hell do you think you are giving me over ten million points for less than five minutes of gaming? It’s incomprehensible, it’s confounding and quite frankly I might mistake your generosity for self confidence issues. Who needs this many points? What am I supposed to do with all of these points? What is the point of points? Think how many I’d get if I played a proper three set match! I don’t think there’s a screen big enough to show me!

I appreciate it, Sega. I really do. But enough with the points. I don’t need any more.

When it comes down to it, Sega Superstars Tennis is either for children, nostalgic Sega fanboys, or desperate multiplayer enthusiasts. Featuring a roster of character that might be mistaken for the love child of a zoo and a box of crayons, and showcasing a difficulty level that could be best described as ‘non existent’, Sega Superstar Tennis a casual gamers’ wet dream, and will entertain your kids for a good while.

Just mind the points.

Summary

Cute, easy, and fun to play with. Insert your own joke here.

Pros

Easy to play Fun minigames Special techniques add fun

Cons

Too many point, Sega!