Writing about E3 fills me with dread. Why? I hear you ask. "Is it because you weren't actually there and are relying on third-hand reports or baseless speculation with no real knowledge?"

No. When's that ever stopped us? "Is it because the event is so highly covered that providing any real new insight is next to impossible?"

Well... no. "Is it because.." Shut up and listen.

It's the grammar.

I'm really dubious on the grammar around the expo. Let me make my point clear.

The E3 Expo is one of the biggest events... BAH BOW!

E3 is a trendification of EEE, or the Electronic Entertainment Exposition. Calling it the E3 Expo makes it the Electronic Entertainment Expo Expo. This is a common mistake, known as RAS Syndrome. RAS stands for Redunant Acronym Syndrome. (Yes, RAS Syndrome is itself an RAS. Well done on getting the joke.)

We see it in a lot of places. PIN Number is a common one that people say without thinking, even when they're being smug and superior to those w...

Writing about E3 fills me with dread. Why? I hear you ask. "Is it because you weren't actually there and are relying on third-hand reports or baseless speculation with no real knowledge?"

No. When's that ever stopped us? "Is it because the event is so highly covered that providing any real new insight is next to impossible?"

Well... no. "Is it because.." Shut up and listen.

It's the grammar.

I'm really dubious on the grammar around the expo. Let me make my point clear.

The E3 Expo is one of the biggest events... BAH BOW!

E3 is a trendification of EEE, or the Electronic Entertainment Exposition. Calling it the E3 Expo makes it the Electronic Entertainment Expo Expo. This is a common mistake, known as RAS Syndrome. RAS stands for Redunant Acronym Syndrome. (Yes, RAS Syndrome is itself an RAS. Well done on getting the joke.)

We see it in a lot of places. PIN Number is a common one that people say without thinking, even when they're being smug and superior to those who say ATM Machine. A slightly more obscure (and dorky) one is RAID array. This makes it a Redundant Array of Inexpensive Disks array. Clearly that's not right.

So yes, the “E3 Expo” is out. The logical answer is to call it “The E3”. But that sounds very stupid and I don't like it. It's a bit “The Edge” for my tastes. So then there's the obvious of just calling it E3, but that sounds too much like a proper name, rather than a noun, and we're still on shaky ground grammatically.

Of course, when you get into the show you're still left with questions. Is Sony a singular word, or plural? Ditto Microsoft, Nintendo, EA, etc...

Microsoft IS changing the Xbox interface or Microsoft ARE changing the Xbox interface?

Nintendo HAS nothing new to offer or Nintendo HAVE nothing to offer.

I mean.. the company is made up of people, and it can be made more clear by specifying “the PR henchmen at Sony are...” or “developers at EA are”, but in the terms of referring to the company as a whole I'm not sure whether it becomes a single entity or a collective term for its contents.

These things are important to someone like me, and not having clear guidance leaves me a bit lost and confused, without a clear path or direction. You know... like Nintendo.

So hey... I guess only I really care about this stuff. We can let it go, let it slide. I'm just going to use whatever words come to mind and try not to think about it.

The E3 this year was widely regarded as the greatest disappointment since every recent Sonic game. Disappointment is a funny old thing (unless it's happening to you, which admittedly takes the humour out) because it's based on a combination of two things: expectations and actual result. If the expectations are higher than the result then you have disappointment. If the result is higher than the expectation then you have Get Smart. It's a bit like when you go out on a date and you're hoping to maybe get to second base, at least, and you find out half way through the unbelievably expensive dinner that you're like a brother to her. I had a parallel here, but now I'm just filled with memories of pain and rage, and have lost the point.

So you have to ask any time someone says they were disappointed... was that because the product was bad, or because your expectations were unreasonably high?

And with The EEE that question needs to be asked first up. Did people expect too much of it? Was it a “good” show that just failed to impress because so many people expected to be awed? Or was it lacklustre by even an objective standard?

Naturally this question looks at first glance like an opinion. But it's not, because I'm right: E3 was a relative disappointment, even from an objective point of view (which is mine).

Did we expect too much? Apparently so. Were the expectations reasonable? I believe they were.

I can't speak for everyone (though it would seem I'm trying to) but the main disappointment lay in the three big console makers. Microsoft, Sony and Nintendo are locked in a hardcore battle for supremacy in a massively growing market. Nintendo have an install base that is without doubt impressive, but its close to saturation now, and its hardware is a bit Lindsay Lohan. (Definitely doesn't look as good as it used to.) Sony have been able to finally get out the door some of its big titles (MGS4, for example) but really needs to bring out some more big guns such as Little Big Planet and Home to keep up momentum. Microsoft have a commanding online presence, but their hardware sales are now slipping behind the PS3, putting them at the bottom of the pile in that respect.

The point is that now is not the time to skate by. Now is not the time to phone it in. Now is the time to get ahead of the pack, to surge forward with something bold, dynamic, innovative.

How did the big three Innovate?

Microsoft innovated by copying the Mii off Nintendo, and making them a bit more detailed. They can do that, because the 360 actually has graphics. They also unveiled Lips, a wireless microphone doodad that... well, I don't want to judge, but it reminds me a bit of Sony's successful SingStar franchise. Anyone else think that? Like... everyone.

Microsoft was a particular disappointment because I heard strong rumours that they'd be unveiling some new controllers codenamed “Darwin”. These controllers would have been much like the Wii Remotes, except without the patented Nintendo sucking technology. Granted copying Nintendo more wouldn't have made them any more innovative, but at least they'd have had something to show that was interesting.

Microsoft also announced the already-leaked “Lips”, their answer to SingStar. There's not much more to say about it than that. I'm already bored of talking about it.

Nintendo were not content with letting Microsoft steal all the disappointment. The company that's provided so much innovation that we have previously mocked them on that alone this year decided to innovate by doing sweet FA. Nintendo are in arguably the best position, with a console in pretty much any house that has electricity, and is startlingly popular with the female crowd (beaten only by crushing the souls of men and bitching about their friends).

Nintendo had a few things to show. One was Wii Music, which as far as I can tell is RockBand for retards. Actually, I'm starting to think RockBand is RockBand for retards. So let's go with RockBand for children. It just seems to be missing something to me. Though not having to pay $300 for peripherals is a plus.

One of the other things they had was an add-on for the Wii remote. It turns out that I'm not the only one that thinks the cursor on the Wii interface has Parkinsons. The control is surprisingly vague, and simply doesn't have the capability to detect a range of movement required for particularly interesting applications, like “being a sword” or the kind of 1:1 movement that Wii users expected. The add-on appears to use gyroscopic detectors to add new sensors. Whether they add accuracy to existing titles is yet to be determined, but a lot of people are very iffy on the concept of splitting the Wii market between the haves and have-nots for this particular product. What is a surprise is that there is no proposed solution for the shortage of space on the Wii hardware.

The only other thing of any real interest from Nintendo was the announcement of Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars, for the Nintendo DS.

Can I be honest here? I find it really hard to get excited about anything on the DS or the Wii. I don't want to seem like a hater, but I really don't think I'm their target market. Possibly because I'm not a 14 year old girl.

Though I'd like to be.

Anyway, that just leaves Sony. I'm going to get called Fanboy Jim here, but I didn't think Sony did too badly. Alright, they didn't exactly shake things up. Their keynote was a lot of the usual “boy golly gosh we've sold a lot of consoles, aren't we awesome” but the way they presented it was clever. Upcoming flagship Little Big Planet was featured with a special custom level that was used to highlight the presentation in a manner some have referred to as “Little Big Powerpoint”. Personally anything that has LBP in it makes me smile like Lindsay Lohan with an 8-ball, so I'll forgive a lot.

The other thing they had to show that was particularly interesting was “MAG” or “Massive Action Game” which really has to be a working title. Or it's dumb. Anyway, MAG is an FPS featuring up to 256 players per map. The concept of this sort of MMOFPS has been a long time coming and it could be very cool if the game itself is good.

Aside from that I was interested in Ratchet and Clank: Quest for Booty (aka Booty Call). R&C:BC starts after Tools of Destruction (which was pretty good) and continues that story. I'm curious how they'll get around the fact that Ratchet's mobility largely comes from Clank, and Ratchet solo can't double jump, glide, hover, high-jump, etc. Booty Call is being done episodically through the Playstation Network, rather than as a standalone game. Hopefully they won't use the Valve model of episodic content, whereby you release a giant thing every few years, making it indistinguishable from straight retail development.

There were also a lot of exciting releases for the PSP. Just kidding.

There were some other potentially good games, and it was nice to see more info and clips on titles like Resident Evil 5, and Sonic Unleashed. Which could either continue or break the Sonic Curse. There's the potentially interesting I Am Alive, awesome (and insultingly banned in Australia) Fallout 3, and Prince of Persia has a great look. Mirror's Edge offers the potential for truly groundbreaking gameplay.

We're really looking forward to seeing more of these games, the potential is definitely there for some amazing releases in the next few months, and in the remainder of the year.